Peeing Outside

Recently, I had to go to the bathroom. Nothing abnormal or unusual about that. It happens to everyone, everyday and many times during any given day. There was a catch. I our bust and hectic lives, we have hired a housekeeper that comes every other week to clean. And when she cleans, stay out of the way. So, it goes without saying that my access was limited at best. Of course, when you have to go, you have to answer the call. And answer the call of the wild is exactly what I did.

Being blessed, in this instance, by birth of being male I was only limited to interior access for relief. What would be a better bonding experience than to take the dog out and water some weeds with him? I could not think of any better. Leaving my desk in the converted patio/office I use, we directly proceeded to the back of the rusting metal shed in the back corner of the backyard. Perfect cover.

Situating myself perfectly so the neighbors could not easily see me if they were peeking over the fence, and the housekeeper could not catch a glimpse of me should she happen to gaze out of one of the windows into the backyard, I commenced to relieve myself. Yes. It felt good. I even felt a little bit of primal adolescent essence creep up from the ground and surge its way into my chest. With my free hand I had to loosen my necktie and my sports coat seemed to become confining. Nature and I were bonding. I was recycling. And it was good.

Even the neighbors’ dogs silenced their barking. A few trips to the shared fence and they new that the alpha male was out. Reverence was called for. Perhaps I go a little too far waxing poetic. But the surge of sentimentality and frivolity this simple act brought about was almost too much. The sensation was visceral. And I even checked afterwards, making sure that I hadn’t peed on my foot or something of the like. No. It all went text book. Just like when I used to go camping, or would spend summers on my grandparents’ farm. It just felt right.

I mean this is important right. The whole suburban malaise and ennui effective was relieved in a single action, at least for a little while. And on top of that, here’s a man openly wanting to share his feelings…Can I get an “Amen,” damn it? This is big stuff here. It’s not just some juvenile action. This is a manly pose towards all that is good and wholesome left in the world. It is a restrained and quiet act of defiance against a corporate culture that praises homogeneity. I was asserting my independence in a very legal and natural way. Plus, it was way too cold to shuck the clothes and take a dip in the pool. Although, the recent warm snap did make me pause momentarily on my way to the backyard sojourn.

Regardless, it was a relieving act. My step was a little lighter but surer on my return. Some sense had been returned into the world, or at least mine. I now had more that a sneaking suspicion that it was going to be okay, at least for the rest of the day. It was a wonderfully decisive action that only the dog and I will ever be fully aware of. Mission accomplished. I shucked the neck tie after coming back into the office, but kept the sports coat on, just in case my wife called and wanted me to meet her somewhere for dinner. I had to make sure that I looked a little respectable if we were to go out.

Still today, when I am getting the morning coffee or squaring way the evening dishes, I can look out the kitchen window and see the spot. Yes, the exact spot. A little place where normalcy was created and the boundaries of time and distance were eliminated, along with a few other choice things. I wonder if it would be bad taste to erect a monument to the action. Nothing too big or obscene.