Condolences for a Cockroach

This is such a strange mixture of the weird and the everyday that it is difficult to truly know where to begin. I suppose like any piece of literature, which this is only a part of technically, the scene needs to be set. School had just let out, and I was relocating to the central office building where I would be working out of for the next contract year. I still had two weeks left on this contract, so I had set myself up a makeshift office until proper arrangements could be made. As with most academic locations, the male gender is a rare sight. As such, I pretty much had the men’s restroom across the hall mostly to myself. And that’s where this particular and peculiar adventure began.
During the course of the business day it becomes necessary to relieve one’s self. In fact, with age, it often becomes a little more frequent. To boot, I have come that certain age of wisdom that marks the journey of a maturing male, that I no longer purchase coffee. No, I merely rent it for an uncertain amount of time. So, I was returning, or recycling, my morning coffee in the men’s room when I chanced upon an uncertain sight that left me puzzled for a good part of the day.
Standing at the far urinal I was captivated by what might be perhaps the oddest sight I had beheld, up to that particular point. Lying in the urinal next to me was a deceased cockroach. As with most of the non-executed varieties, it was on its back. Nothing shocking, per se, with this post mortem state. However, it is what was beside this deceased insect that troubled me. It was another cockroach. A living one. I was transfixed. Of course, the thought running through my head was one that probably anyone would have had. Is he going to eat the other one…?
If this piece has not turned your stomach thus far, this particular pondering should not repulse you. It is noted that cockroaches eat anything. I am sure this includes each other. Being that it was a slow day at the office, I decided to spend a little more time in observation. Since I am there is only one other male employee in my hall, and he was out for a meeting, I did not have to concern myself with conjuring up any excuses for standing at the urinal and staring into the bottom of the other one.
The other cockroach just stood there, its antennae moving methodically. That was all that moved. However, it did set my mind to wondering. Was this particular cockroach paying its last respects to a dead relative, a fallen comrade? It struck as quite odd that the living cockroach did not try to flee when I took a half step towards it after washing my hands. I just stood there, it antennae still moving rhythmically. It was hypnotic. But how could I think that something that is commonly the object of shared scorn could afford such a humane treatment. What was it?
I tucked the whole incident into the recess of my consciousness and exited the restroom. Still, no movement from the living one except for the methodical antennae wave. As soon as I was seated at my desk, the entire experience passed with a muffled chuckle. I marked the time with the clacking of keys on my laptop and the numbers on the calendar moved over a single square.
The next day, morning routine played itself out and the laptop keys continued clicking in their timekeeping duties. Almost like clockwork, it was time for a restroom break. Dancing with somnambulance, I entered the restroom and continued with my regular routine. Looking to the side, I noticed that the deceased cockroach was gone. Shaken from my trance, I looked around. Exiting, I caught sight of the deceased with friend still beside him in the corner.
It was truly an awkward situation. I didn’t know what to do. Oddly enough, two hallmarks of cultural literacy swirled through my mind seemingly out of nowhere. The connections make sense, but the choices were purely unpremeditated. Looking down at the deceased and living cockroaches, I immediately thought of Kafka’s “Metamorphoses” and Disney movies.
I know my confusion over what to do next stem from these two sources. What struck me as odd was that I was even haggling with myself over what to do. I wasn’t sure whether to express my condolences or use a paper towel to scoop these two up and send them down the porcelain waterslide for their final ride. It should have been a simple motion of tear, swoop, dunk and flush. A simple symphony of actions that would have required no thought at all. However, something kept nagging at me in the back of my mind.
Allow me to quell any fears and misgivings you may have at this point in reading this piece. I did not offer my condolences to the cockroach standing beside the dead one. Luckily, common sense caught up with me and revealed the foolishness of that particular inclination. However, I did pause for a moment and take in the sight one last time before returning to work. I cannot say specifically if it was awe, respect or just plain credulity that made me take a final look. But I did.
I am not sure, anatomically, if the one cockroach standing beside the deceased one and I looked each other in the eyes, but we looked at each other. I moved on and went about my work. The day ended as others have that preceded and followed. Yet, I cannot say that my perspective was broadened and shifted just by a fraction. I am not really sure that this experience has changed me measurably or given me some extraordinary insight in to existence. All I can say is that I experienced this odd circumstance and it has stuck in my memory.